


Silence Is The Most Powerful Scream

by DestinyMoonFire



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: (slight) schizophrenia, Abuse, Anxiety Disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Mental Illness, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, i wrote this at school okay don't judge, implied suicidal thoughts, some triggering stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-27
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-08-18 06:18:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8152036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestinyMoonFire/pseuds/DestinyMoonFire
Summary: "My silence is just another word for my pain."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Joyous_Golden_Flower](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joyous_Golden_Flower/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Secrets Unheard](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/231829) by Joy Goldenpine. 



Kagami groaned as he walked down alongside the sidewalk, throwing his head back in exasperation.

"Why do _I_ have to come to be with those MiraGen freaks?" he asked the short bluenette next to him.

"Because, Kagami-kun," he started glaring slightly at his partner. "It wouldn't be much fun if an opponent who wasn't stronger than them was there."

Another loud groan rumbled in his throat as he almost slammed his forehead against a lamppost, had it not been for the loud "Kurokocchi!" catching his attention.

A soft "oomph" was heard as Kuroko was tackled by a gold blur. The attacker was none other than Kise Ryota, Kuroko's former student in Teiko.

"Kurokocchi, I missed you so much-ssu!" he cried happily, smothering his cheek with the phantom's as he nearly crushed the poor boy.

"K-Kise kun...c-cannot breathe..."

"Oi, get off of Tetsu," a gruff voice 'greeted,' a basketball being thrown at the blonde's head.

"ITAI!"

"You deserve it."

"Would you all kindly shut up, you're hurting my ears." a new voice said, coming up behind the two.

"Doumo, Midorima-kun." Kuroko greeted the green-haired megane after getting back up.

A small 'hmph' was heard from the shooting guard as he turned his head away.

"Ne, Mido-chin is still acting like a tsun-tsun~" a lazy voice greeted.

A tick mark appeared on Midorima's forehead, "I am NOT a tsundere!"

_Suuuure,_ everyone drawled out in their minds.

"Ah, it's good to see everyone here again after so long." a calmer, smoother voice said.

Everyone, almost instinctively, turned towards the new voice that seemed to hold all the power in the world. The redhead smiled as he laid eyes on everyone, his monochromatic eyes gleaming.

"I'm just glad to be with Kuro-chin and Aka-chin again~" the giant purple center drawled, munching on his chips he brought with him.

A small chuckle was heard from the shorter redhead as he turned, "Come, the basketball court is only a few blocks from here, or would you all rather eat first?"

As if on cue, everyone's stomachs rumbled and Akashi snickered, "I guess I'll take that as a yes then."

"Ne, who's gonna pay for it?" Kise asked, bouncing next to Kuroko and Kagami (who was less than pleased to see the hyperactive blonde).

"I will, of course," Akashi answered. "I was the one who called you out today, so it's my treat." he flashed a small smile at all of them, stunning some into silence.

"We can't let you do that, Akashi," Midorima said, pushing his glasses up as light glinted off from it. "That would make us all feel bad for letting you pay, not that I care nanodayo." he added quickly. _Plus I don't think your father would appreciate you using his card for such trivial things,_ he added as an afterthought.

Akashi seemed to sense what he was thinking and tensed only for a second before forcing a smile, "It will be alright, Midorima. You needn't worry."

Midorima frowned ever so slightly but decided to drop it for now, deciding to ask his former captain later.

However, Murasakibara wouldn't have it, "Ne, won't Aka-chin's father be mad?"

"Eh?" everyone froze and Akashi tensed up immediately and had they not just stepped into a public establishment, Midorima would have hugged the male to make sure he didn't have another one of his attacks.

"What do you mean Murasakibaracchi?" Kise asked, eyes sliding over to his former captain who was still tensed up.

"Aka-chin's father will get mad if Aka-chin does something without him knowing," the giant stated before frowning. "I don't like Aka-chin's father."

"Murasakibara!" Midorima hissed lowly, trying to get the giant to stop before he said or did anything drastic.

"Huh?" the giant looked confused. "I'm just saying the truth, Mido-chin."

"Well stop saying the truth," he ground out. "Besides, Akashi looks like he might go into one of his anxiety attacks again so _stop_ ," he added quietly, nodding over to said male who was slowly relaxing.

However, a certain person heard the last part, "What do you mean by anxiety attacks, Midorima-kun?" Kuroko questioned, staring at the megane with blue eyes that bore into your soul.

Midorima hesitated and contemplated whether or not to tell him (and the others, since they were now intently listening) about Akashi's personal life, but before he could open his mouth the Rakuzan captain's phone ringed.

"Ah, excuse me for a second," he said, voice strained. "Hello...? A-ah, o-otou-san..." everyone's ears perked up as they heard Akashi address his father on the other line.

"H-hai...hai, I am...i-ie, I haven't yet...h-hai, otou-san..."

They watched with curious eyes as Akashi ended the call, his face pale as sheet as his fingers trembling slightly.

"Akashicchi...?"

"Gomennasai, but my father has requested me..." his voice was slightly shaking as he bit his lip briefly before forcing a sad smile. "Gomen, but it seems our street ball game will have to wait for a bit..."

And so they watched with wide eyes as Akashi, still pale and shaking, left the restaurant establishment, silence the only thing he left behind.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Just because I am strong enough to handle PAIN, doesn't mean I deserve it."

Kuroko stared, incredulous, where his former captain had left. In all his years of knowing the redhead he had _never_ seen Akashi act so....scared before. The teen looked like he wanted to die right there when he ended the call from his father.

_His father..._

The bluenette turned towards the only two who seemed like they knew what was going on, “Midorima-kun, Murasakibara-kun, what is going on? Why is Akashi-kun acting like that all of a sudden?”

The two tensed with all gazes set on them, sweating a bit under the pressure. Murasakibara had stopped eating his snacks and had dropped them on the floor from the nervous state he was in.

After a while in silence Midorima sighed, gesturing towards an empty booth, “Let's sit down first. It will be easier that way.”

Everyone hesitantly nodded and shimmied their way into the seats. The air was tense as Midorima and Murasakibara sat down in the middle of the booth.

“Well,” Midorima cleared his throat. “Akashi...never really got along with his father. As most of you know already, he was the one that put the 'winner gets all' mentality in his life.”

Most nodded.

“It didn't start out that bad,” Murasakibara spoke up, this time, face uncharacteristically serious. “Aka-chin's father just used to discipline Aka-chin, until his...” his throat locked up, letting his bangs cover his eyes.

“Until his mother died,” Midorima finished. The light glinted off his glasses lenses, so the others couldn't see his expression that well.

Kise's eyes widened slightly, “Akashicchi's mother died? How come he never told us?”

“He couldn't relive the pain he felt,” Murasakibara spoke. “Aka-chin cried for days after his mother died. She helped him through hard times, especially when we couldn't.”

“Ano, but how long have you guys known Akashi-kun?” Kuroko spoke up, this time, shifting slightly in his seat.

“..since 2nd grade.” the megane answered.

“I've known Aka-chin my whole life,” Murasakibara answered, tugging on one of his bangs. “I really like Aka-chin.”

“How come you never told us?”

“Uhm-”

“Hey guys, not meaning to interrupt or anything,” Kise interjected, sweating a bit. “But where are Kagamicchi and Aominecchi?”

The other three looked around, now noticing the absence of the two aces. 

“HUH?!”

* * *

“Oi, Ahomine,” Kagami whisper-grunted. “Are you _sure_ this is a good idea?”

“Shh,” the Tōō ace shushed. “Yes, I'm positive. In order to find out what made Akashi act up like that, we need to follow him. Duh!”

“He's gonna kill us if he finds out.”

“ _If_ he finds out.”

“You'd better hope he doesn't also find out about what you just said.”

“Shut up Bakagami!”

“Shh!” it was the Seirin ace's turn to shush him. “Look, he's going to that house over there.”

“Huh?” the tanned player turned to look at where the other was pointing and – sure enough – the redhead captain was walking into a small house right across the street from their little 'hideout.'

“Is that _actually_ where Akashi lives?” Kagami asked, though more to himself than anything. _Or is that his father's house?_

“I dunno,” Aomine butted in (rather unhelpfully, mind you) and began walking forward. “Come on!”

“W-what?!” Kagami sputtered, hurrying to catch up to the other. “W-we can't go in there! That's be intruding on personal property!”

The other stopped, making Kagami bump into him,”Oi, what's the big idea stopping in the middle of the street Ahomine?!”

“Nothing just surprised that you knew such big words.” the other retorted back after a minute or so.

“OI!”

The two ducked down and once again resumed their 'spying' on the redhead. The two pressed their ears against the wooden door to the house and heard faint talking.

“I'm disappointed, Seijūrō. First your loss at the Winter Cup, now this chivalry? What does it take to get it through your thick skull that you listen to _me_ and _me_ alone? You should know by now that this behavior is unacceptable!”

_SLAP_

The two aces recoiled back in shock as they heard the loud slapping reverberate throughout the house and a dull thud afterward. It took a while before the two could gather the strength to move again, as Aomine carefully peered into the keyhole. 

“H-hey, the door's unlocked,” he whispered to his partner in crime. Kagami carefully took the door handle and opened it a crack, making sure to not let it make a sound as it opened. The two peered carefully into the quaint home and could faintly see a shadow being cast on the wall. 

“Do you think I raised you to be the worst?! I raised my son to be the best, the _perfect_ being in all of existence!”

_BANG_

“This is how you repay me; by disobeying my orders?!”

_BANG BANG_

“HOW WOULD YOUR POOR MOTHER SEE YOU NOW, WEAK AND GROVELING AT THE ENEMY'S FEET?!”

_BANG BANG BANG BANG_

The loud banging stopped as they could hear faint panting, so they only guessed the psychopath had calmed down slightly. 

It wasn't until a few moments later they heard a small, almost unrecognizable voice mutter, “Gomennasai, otou-san....I shall try harder..”

“That's what I'd like to hear,” a calmer voice, though undoubtedly the one from before said. “Now go back to those friends of yours, I'm sure they're wondering what has taken you so long; and that is an _order_ , Seijūrō.”

“..Hai, otou-san..”

The sound of a door being slammed closed caught their attention, and they could only guess the psychopath had gone to his room or something. They saw a small figure – no doubt Akashi – shakily get up and saw red dripping down his face.

Aomine wasted no time in springing up, startling the poor teen who shrunk back instinctively thinking it was another attack. He seemed to relax, only slightly, though, when he realized it was just Aomine and Kagami.

Aomine roughly grabbed the smaller redhead by the shoulders, but seeing him flinch he loosened his grip slightly, “How long has he been doing that to you?”

The other pursed his lips in a straight line, avoiding eye contact.

Aomine growled, “Dammit Akashi answer me!” he almost threw the poor teen on the couch but remembering what just unfolded he stopped himself just in time. “Kagami, text the others and tell them to meet us at your house. Akashi isn't staying in this hell-hole any longer.” and promptly picked up Akashi and carried him out of the house.

For once, Kagami agreed with him, and whipped out his phone and began texting Kuroko since undoubtedly he would better control the others.

_Meet me at my house in about 10 min. with the others._

He paused before realizing that Midorima probably wouldn't stick around long enough for that and quickly typed out another response.

_It's about Akashi._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually wanted to post this chapter on Thursday but got lazy and forgot. But updates are coming out faster now cuz I got almost 6 chapters finished :P


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Never underestimate the pain of a person. Because in all honesty, everyone hurts. Some people just hide it better than others."

Aomine tapped his foot impatiently as he leaned against the wall in Kagami's apartment. Said ace was busy treating Akashi's head wound in the bathroom at the moment. A sigh left the tanned player as he recalled the events of earlier today, not even ten minutes ago.

_After promptly picking up his former captain and barking orders at his 'partner-in-crime,' Aomine briskly walked down the street and waited for Kagami to catch up. Akashi (weakly) struggled in the other's hold._

_"I command you to put me down, Aomine!" he snapped, legs flailing as he tried to kick the power forward._

_"Not until we get to Bakagami's house," he grunted back. "If he would hurry up."_

_"Oi, oi, I heard that Ahomine!" Kagami growled, walking up to them whilst putting his phone away in his pocket._

_"Did you text the others?"_

_"I texted Kuroko." as if that was all that needed to be said, which it was really. They both trusted that Kuroko could get the others under control (plus he was the only one who knew where Kagami's house was anyway)._

_Akashi still struggled futilely in an attempt to escape, "S-stop! Put me down; otou-san will be angry if I leave without his permission..."_

_"Who cares what that psychopath thinks?" Kagami snarled, making Akashi shrink back instinctively. "...sorry."_

_"Look, now you've scared him," Aomine hissed, beginning to walk again. "Come on. Let's clean him up; I don't know where you live ya know."_

_Kagami grumbled but begrudgingly led Aomine to his apartment._

A doorbell sounding snapped Aomine out of his flashback as he hurriedly went for the door. He yanked it open without even checking who it was and was relieved to find his former shadow, as well as Midorima, Kise, and Murasakibara there too.

"Glad you all could make it." he forced out slightly, putting on a fake smirk.

"Tell us what happened _now,_ Aomine," Midorima said, not in the mood for any games.

The smirk dropped as Aomine sighed, letting the others in and closed the door behind them.

"Kuro-chin said he got a text from Kaga-chin about Aka-chin," Murasakibara said, surprisingly not munching on anything this time around. "What happened to him? Is he alright?"

Kise fidgeted and had a troubled look on his face, as he, too, was worried about his former captain. He knew something had been going on, especially now since the phone call with his father. Thanks to his keen observation skills (he would need them in order to perform Perfect Copy) he could tell whatever Aomine had to tell them, it wasn't going to be good.

Another long sigh left Aomine's throat, "Well, first things first. After Akashi had the phone call with his father me and Bakagami decided to follow him. When we got to where his father was he..."

"He what, Aomine-kun?" Kuroko inquired after being silent this whole time.

"He...was having a fight with his father. Then his father got mad and...slapped him, hard."

Multiple pairs of eyes widened and even Midorima and Kuroko couldn't hide the shock they felt.

"He...he hit Akashicchi?" Kise whispered in shock.

"He did something else, didn't he?" Midorima questioned after about a minute of silence. "You wouldn't call us here just for that."

Aomine bit his lip as he recalled the loud banging of Akashi's head meeting solid wood, "His psychopath father then started to shout about how Akashi wasn't following his orders and started to...bang his head against the wall. We could hear it throughout the whole house and he seemed pretty delirious..."

There was silence until Murasakibara stood up, walking towards the door.

Midorima grabbed his arm, "Where are you going?"

"To crush Aka-chin's father." he said darkly, advancing towards the door once more with Midorima struggling to hold the giant back.

"...don't, Murasakibara."

Everyone froze as they turned towards the new voice and saw Akashi standing there, his head bandaged up as he swayed slightly from dizziness.

Kise gasped, "Akashicchi!" and fortunately caught him before he could tip over. "What are you doing?! You're hurt!"

"He most likely has a concussion," Midorima said, having let go of Murasakibara who had obediently followed Akashi's command. "With how hard you said the banging was I wouldn't doubt it."

"Why are you all here...?" the redhead asked, eyes blinking in and out of focus.

"Because we were worried about you, Akashi-kun," Kuroko replied, laying down his former captain on the couch. "Kagami-kun suddenly texted me saying that we needed to discuss something about Akashi-kun."

"Ah, so he did..."

"Yo," a gruff voice said. "I hope I bandaged his head up pretty well..."

"No, you did fine," Midorima said, inspecting Akashi's head. "Though I _am_ slightly angered that you would let him out of your sight with a concussion, not that I care nanodayo."

"Oi! Well, it's not my fault that he's as silent as a ghost! One minute he's on the counter and the next he's gone!"

The two continued to bicker about the subject as Kuroko sighed, turning back to his former captain who had been unusually silent, "Akashi-kun...?"

Kise turned towards his mentor to see what worried him and found his eyes set on Akashi, who had wide eyes and was staring into nothing.

"Akashicchi...?"

The two bickering heard the small conversation and turned towards the redhead, who had started breathing heavily.

Midorima's eyes widened, "He's having another panic attack!" and moved hurriedly towards the motionless redhead.

"Akashi, Akashi look at me," the shooting guard shook the other's shoulders in a desperate attempt to get the redhead back to reality.

_Don't care_

_Don't care_

"Akashi!"

_Don't care_

_Never did_

"Aka-chin!"

_Why would they ever care?_

"Akashicchi!"

_Why..._

His lips parted to let out a single question.

_"Why?"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little insight to Akashi's panic attacks :P
> 
> (also, updates will be speedy from now on cuz I got up to chapter 7 finished and am almost finished up to chapter 10. dunno how long this story is gonna be but it's definitely gonna be the longest story I've written thus far)
> 
> ((also _also_ , sorry for not updating in over a month. as an apology two chapters shall be posted instead of the usual one))


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "There was a hand in the darkness, and it held a knife."

The words played out like a record in his mind: _why why why._ They wouldn't stop; a never-ending mantra of words that dug deeper into the crevices of his mind. They kept getting sharper and sharper every time they repeated itself, stabbing his mind with an onslaught of terrifying memories.

Though they weren't exactly _his,_ per say, but close enough that they _felt_ like his.

He supposed it started near 3rd grade, only about a year after he met Akashi. Of course, he didn't really get along well with him at first (considering his only friend at the time was Murasakibara who – unlike him – had known the redhead his whole life) he still followed around the small boy. He was intelligent, probably the smartest and most conniving person he had ever laid eyes on (which in itself was a miracle, considering he believed himself to be the embodiment of perfection). Yet he was still a child of merely 7 years of age, he soon found out.

He had learned from Murasakibara that Akashi was often teased for his unusual hair, shorter than average height (the two swore _never_ to utter a single word of Akashi's height after the incident), his intelligence, and, most of all, his anti-social behavior. Even the teachers were concerned for the boy, seeing as the only 'people' he talked to was Murasakibara (when he even bothered not to eat in the sandbox or on the swing) and Midorima himself (hence the quotations, seeing as if Akashi only talked to him about the upcoming math test and how they should study for it, or anything grade-related for that matter).

Murasakibara, thanks to his height and intimidating personality (for a child that was almost incomprehensible to Midorima, but he decided to promptly shut up after witnessing Akashi's decent into insanity) he had always protected Akashi. The most violent thing that had ever happened was a small cut on said redhead's cheek when a boy threw paper at him.

So, what he was _not_ expecting when walking into the classroom after recess, was to see Akashi on the floor _crying_ and holding his left eye in pain, a mysterious red liquid dripping through his fingers.

The teacher gasped and rushed towards the small child, asking him what had happened and if he was hurting anywhere (which was a stupid question, in Midorima's opinion – didn't the teacher see he was crying?) and to release his eye so she could see what was wrong.

Akashi hesitantly lets go of his eye and both the teacher and himself were shocked to find that his left eye was now a murky gold color, crying tears of blood. He started crying again when the teacher had backed away and kept saying that he didn't want this to happen; that it was an accident. It was probably the only time Midorima had seen the other Akashi cry and sound so... _helpless._

The next day Akashi had returned to normal and couldn't recount anything from recess and afterward. He said he remembered getting a bad headache and trying to lay down to calm it, but that only made things worse and he remembered screaming before he blacked out.

Masaomi, Akashi's father, had heard about the incident and immediately taken his son to the doctor because "an Akashi heir needs to be _perfect."_ However, the doctors could find nothing wrong with him and even took an MRI to show that his brain waves were completely normal. They also couldn't find an explanation for the crying blood, nor the change in eye color.

"It's possible that he has Dissociative Identity Disorder, but we found nothing wrong that could indicate that. It could be just a phase he's going through. Keep an eye on him and if anything like this happens again, bring him back and we'll look again."

Masaomi had just growled and turned on his heel, dragging his son behind him.

Throughout the next few months, his disorder only got worse. He had frequent blackouts or 'switches' where he wouldn't remember anything. And when those switches happened, his eye would always turn back to that murky gold that Midorima had begun to loathe.

The longest time he had been out without remembering a thing was about a month, even though his other half – Bokushi, he had nicknamed him, because what else could he call the other Akashi? - was walking around and doing his daily chores for him.

Though there was a distinct difference between the two; while Akashi had a 'winner takes all' mentality, yes, he also had a caring side to him that worried about others (though it came as a great shock to Midorima at first, he realized that Akashi was only human, after all), but Bokushi had that same mentality as well. Not only did he believe 'everything I say is right, therefore I am always right,' but he also looked _down_ on others as well (with the small exception of Murasakibara, who just followed his every beck and call like an obedient dog). It was infuriating, to say the least, and Midorima quickly deduced that he would not get along with _this_ Akashi at all (he still hadn't asked about the first time they met, how he was crying and saying he didn't mean it).

As time went on, Akashi started to get better at handling his other self. He would have fewer blackouts and could remember things more easily, and, best of all, in Midorima's opinion, he had started to open up a bit more to the megane and talk about other things other than school. Though they were only tiny things like "how was your day today?" or "how is your father doing?" or maybe even "did you bring any lunch today? I have some that we can share," it still felt amazing to finally _talk_ to Akashi (and yes, he did care about him and most people around him, he wasn't _that_ heartless despite the contrary belief and his tsundere-ness).

The months leading up to their last year of elementary was probably the best Midorima had ever had, and quite possibly the last time he had seen Akashi smile _genuinely_ since that time. The two had talked even more, now about everyday things such as what they did for recess, new book recommendations, or even just sitting around near the swings or sandbox near Murasakibara and talking small talk (it had been a miracle Midorima had even convinced Akashi to come outside; least to say the teachers were very pleased). Midorima had also gotten to know Murasakibara better, though the two still didn't see exactly eye-to-eye. They often got into little squabbles with Akashi or the teachers breaking them up, and promptly either got a timeout or didn't get to participate in activities (surprisingly they hadn't gotten any detentions, but then again the fights weren't that big and never got physical so Midorima saw no need to). However, almost all the fights were worth it because every time they sat pouting in the back of class, Akashi would come up to them when the teacher wasn't looking and give them little snacks to eat or whisper something secretly to them he had noticed (like the one time one of the students snuck a bagel out of the teacher's lounge, or the time one of the kids peed in the sandbox) which would always draw a few giggles from them.

But, Midorima soon realized, all good things must come to an end.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I wish I knew how to make a feeling stop."

Both he and Murasakibara loved Akashi's mother, Shiori. She was sweet and kind, a stark contrast to his strict and cold father. How the two ever saw eye-to-eye was beyond him. Akashi got most of his looks from her; from his red hair to his red eyes. The only thing he got from his father were the shape of his eyes (but still, they were large and round compared to Masaomi's sharp gaze) and, though Midorima found this strange as well as slightly disturbing, the gold eye color when he would switch with Bokushi (none of them knew, even to this day, where on earth Akashi had gotten the cat-like eyes from).

Whenever they couldn't comfort Akashi when he had his little panic attacks, or just feeling depressed in general, Shiori was always there to help. She just held Akashi and whispered sweet nothings in his ear, calming the boy down tremendously as he stopped shaking or staring into blank space.

However, an about two months before elementary ended, she had fallen sick with a mysterious illness. She had been to every doctor in the area, but no one had found the cause. Even Midorima's own _father,_ who had many Ph.D.'s in medical science, couldn't figure out the cause of her illness. As a result of his mother's sickness, Akashi had begun to fall into a depression and every time Midorima or Murasakibara saw him, he was always pale as a ghost and his eyes were dead and rimmed with red from endless nights of crying into his pillow.

And then the worse came.

Just a month shy of going into Teiko, Shiori had passed away from the illness claiming her life. Both he and Murasakibara were devastated, Akashi more so. Midorima remembered the day clearly; Akashi, Masaomi, himself, his family, plus Murasakibara and his family had attended the funeral. Akashi looked dead, his skin was a sickly pale color and his eyes were lifeless. Masaomi kept a neutral expression throughout the whole thing and Midorima wondered how a man could keep a straight face when his wife just died. He had gone up to the podium, said a few words about how wonderful his wife was and that she didn't deserve death, but wished her a peaceful journey, before sitting back down next to his son in the first row. Both he and Murasakibara could tell that the man didn't feel _anything_ towards his wife's death; his voice was cold and emotionless throughout his whole little speech.

They had watched as Shiori's body was laid peacefully in the ground, never to see the light of day again.

It had gotten worse after the funeral. Akashi had started crying and shaking and had collapsed next to a tree. His father was nowhere to be found, as were the rest of the adults. It was only him, Murasakibara, and the devastated Akashi.

It was one of the worst attacks Midorima had ever seen Akashi have. Usually, all he would do was shake and stare blankly into space, but he might as well have had a seizure right before their eyes. He screamed as he curled up on the ground, tears streaming down his face as his breathing became labored. Murasakibara had scooped him up in his arms and just held him, stroking his hair and whispering that it was alright and that they were still there for him, but they all knew it was a lie. _Nothing_ was alright, and it would never be again.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "One day this pain will make sense to you."

Midorima lifted his head as light filtrated into the room. He saw a tall shadow being cast on the ground and didn't even have to guess who it was.

"Murasakibara," he barely whispered, watching the giant come into the room and close the door so only a sliver of light could be seen.

"How's Aka-chin doing?" the giant murmured, being careful to keep his voice low.

"Fine," Midorima said, glancing over at the redhead who was blissfully unaware. "He hasn't woken up, but that's to be expected."

"I haven't seen an attack that bad before since..."

"Yeah..."

A silence fell between the two as the only sounds heard were Akashi's soft, even breathing and the low tune of the television in the living room where everyone else was at.

"You were thinking about when we were little, weren't you?" the giant inquired after about a minute in silence.

Midorima hesitated, "Yes," he finally answered. "That attack just...brought up some memories."

Murasakibara nodded in understanding, staring at Akashi's motionless figure laying on the bed.

"Kaga-chin was really nice to let us stay here," he stated, still looking at Akashi.

"Yes, I suppose he was."

* * *

Bleary eyes opened up to a dark room as they blinked in confusion, shakily sitting up and wincing at the headache they had. The room spun slightly but he braced through it as he stepped down from the bed on shaky legs. He stumbled blindly and hissed when he bumped into what he could only assume was a table. He (thankfully) managed to get to the door without knocking over or bumping into anything else on the way.

He opened the door slightly and was blinded by light. Blinking his heterochromatic eyes, he carefully stepped into the hallway and heard slight laughter coming from another room. Walking quietly, he stepped into the living area and found Kiseki no Sedai, as well as Kuroko and Kagami there too, watching a sit-com on television.

His eyes trailed to Midorima and Murasakibara, who were watching indifferently as the others laughed and were having a good time.

Murasakibara seemed to be the first to notice him, "Aka-chin," he said in surprise, putting down the bag of chips he was eating.

Everyone turned to look at the doorway where, sure enough, Akashi was standing there with slight confusion plastered upon his face.

"No...you're the other Akashi," Midorima stated, glaring into heterochromatic eyes.

"Is there really a difference?" Kagami sighed.

Bokushi flinched and Murasakibara glared at Kagami, walking up to protectively hold the smaller redhead in his embrace.

"Don't say those things Kaga-chin," he mumbled, holding the redhead against his chest.

"What, I'm just saying the truth."

"And what truth is that?" Midorima asked.

"That Akashi and the other Akashi are basically the same when it comes down to the basics," everyone froze. "How do we know there _are_ even two Akashi's? Maybe he's just doing this to mess with our minds! He could be putting in a gold contact when we're not looking and fooling us this whole time!"

_Shut up..._

"He's just playing us like one of his shogi pieces!"

_Shut up already..._

"We're all just little toys playing into his hand!"

"SHUT UP!" Midorima exclaimed, catching everyone's attention.

"Midorimacchi...?"

"Shut up already! How would you know?! You don't all the shit's Akashi has been through!" Midorima ground out, glasses glinting dangerously. "Come on, Murasakibara; we're leaving."

Murasakibara only nodded, and gently guided Akashi towards the door as the three left, leaving the others shocked into silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a note to remember for you all: The GoM will probably not be showing up for a while. No, I don't hate them, I just feel that they wouldn't be as understanding as Murasakibara and Midorima.
> 
> Also, as a review pertaining this, there will be little if any romance in this. It will mostly focus on Akashi's mental state and his hardships (though there may be Murasakibara x Akashi and Midorima x Akashi moments, but nothing too extreme, mostly just friendship for the time being).


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "One day I'm gonna hurt you. I promise."

Midorima stormed down the street with Murasakibara and Akashi in tow. Anyone who passed by this late at night had moved aside from the menacing aura the two let off, barely even noticing the small redhead being held protectively in the purple giant's arms.

"Where are we going, Mido-chin?" Murasakibara inquired after passing by a convenience store.

"To my house," he ground out. "Yours is too far away and we're definitely _not_ taking Akashi back to where his father is."

The giant only nodded in understanding and looked down at the aforementioned redhead to find him oddly quiet, his heterochromatic eyes blinking in and out of focus.

"Ne, Mido-chin," the giant called the megane's attention. "I think Aka-chin is getting a headache."

Stopping for a short moment, Midorima could indeed see that the Rakuzan captain was twitching slightly, his gold eye turning to red for a few seconds before resuming its color.

"The two are fighting over control," he stated simply. "When we get to my place I'll give him some pain medicine to hopefully stop the pain and knock him out."

"But won't that cause more problems?"

A small shrug, "Who knows, but it's the best option we have available."

They walked for a few more minutes in silence before the giant spoke up, "You've been acting different today, Mido-chin."

Midorima stopped short as the giant did as well. The movement caused red and gold eyes to look up and focus on the two.

Staring into the orbs of color, Midorima sighed and murmured, "I suppose I have."

"Is it because of Aka-chin's father?"

"I suppose."

"I feel the same way," Murasakibara stated after they started walking again. "I care about Aka-chin a lot, so I don't want him to get hurt."

Another comfortable silence fell between the two, as red and gold orbs watched the two with hazy eyes. It wasn't until they were about a block away from Midorima's house that another word was spoken.

"..me too."

Murasakibara gently set down Akashi on the couch, who had been – as Midorima said – knocked out by the pain relievers he had received a few moments prior. He covered Akashi up with a green blanket and brushed his hair out of his face.

"When should Aka-chin wake up?" he questioned, sitting down next to the couch near Akashi's head.

"The effects should wear off in about 2 hours," the greenhead said, sipping some tea he made and offered another cup to Murasakibara. "Until then, we can rest up a bit; this day has not only taken a toll on Akashi nanodayo."

The giant nodded, "But what about Aka-chin's father?"

"What about him?" Midorima was seriously not in the mood to talk about that man – no, _monster._

"What if he finds Aka-chin? What if he hurts Aka-chin while we're away or not close to him?"

Midorima paused to think about that. Being completely honest, he hadn't even thought about all the possibilities now that Akashi had 'escaped' from his father's clutches. There was nothing they _could_ do, really; how do you fight against one of the most successful people in Japan and possibly the world?

"I really wish they would arrest him," Murasakibara continued. "Or have him shipped to a mental asylum."

Midorima didn't know why, but the image of Masaomi in a straight jacket locked up in a white room brought indescribable joy to him, and soon enough he found himself laughing. Murasakibara looked at the megane like he had gone crazy, but then again maybe he was too, for he himself was soon laughing right along with him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Give me life. Give me pain. Give me myself again."

For what seemed like the umpteenth time that day Akashi opened his bleary eyes to gaze around yet _another_ room. This room, however, seemed slightly familiar to him as he sat up with a small groan. The lights were turned off and the only light was from the moon filtering through the curtains and small candles lit around the room. He saw two figures lying near the couch and immediately recognized one of them.

"Atsushi?" he whispered, crawling over the giant. The giant in question merely groaned before going back into la-la land once again.

Akashi pouted (no, he told himself, emperors do not _pout_ so change it to a scowl) and poked the giant in the cheek to wake him up.

"Atsushi!" he whisper-yelled, shaking the giant's shoulder. When he didn't so much as move Akashi started to panic, violently shaking the other's shoulder.

"Atsushi? Atsushi?!"

He started to hyperventilate, breathing heavily and shaking as he tried to wake up his childhood friend. Tears brimmed his eyes, threatening to fall down his cheeks as he resorted to tugging at the other's shirt.

"P-please wake up Atsushi..!"

A groan, "Aka-chin...?"

A choked sob left the redhead's lips as he heard his friend speak, tears finally spilling down his cheeks in small torrents, "A-Atsushi..."

"Aka-chin?" the other was fully awake now, worry in his voice as he heard the soft sob from his friend and enveloped the other in a hug. Akashi sobbed lightly into his chest, still shaking horribly after another one of his panic attacks.

"I'm sorry Aka-chin, I didn't mean to scare you," the other cooed in his ear, rocking him back and forth while petting his soft hair. "It's alright Aka-chin, I'm fine. Nothing happened to me nor Mido-chin."

Akashi sniffed, "Shintarō's here?" though it was slightly muffled, Murasakibara understood what he said.

He nodded, "Yup. We wanted us to stay by you so you'd feel protected."

A watery smile made its way onto Akashi's face, "T-that's nice.."

Murasakibara hummed in agreement, still holding the redhead in a comforting embrace as Akashi slowly calmed down.

"Ne, how's Aka-chin doing?" the giant asked, staring into the other's red and gold eyes.

Akashi looked confused before realizing he meant the other Akashi, "He's fine, I suppose..." he started, twirling a piece of his hair. "He's just...weak, after what otou-san did to him."

He could feel Murasakibara freeze against him and looked up, "What's wrong?"

"Why do you call him your father?" Murasakibara inquired lowly.

Akashi frowned, "Isn't that what he is? My father?" but some part of him knew that he was lying to himself, and apparently Murasakibara could sense it too.

"Stop lying to yourself Akashi," he must have been really serious, because he dropped the -chin, "We both know he isn't even _close_ to being called your father."

"I know, but..." but what? What was he trying to say? Murasakibara was right; Masaomi was nowhere near being a father figure to him, so why...

_Why did it hurt so much to let him go?_

Tears brimmed his eyes for the second time as the words tumbled out of his mouth like a flowing stream.

"But some part of me still wishes he were my father; a father who loved me and cared about me. I know it may seem far-fetched, but some part of me still believes it. I don't know why but I just do." he sobbed, words becoming muffled by the other's already soaked shirt.

"Aka-chin..."

"That's enough, Murasakibara," a new voice said, silencing the giant before he could utter another word, "You've made Akashi stressed enough, nanodayo."

"Mido-chin.."

Midorima readjusted his glasses, handing Akashi a tissue to dab his eyes clean. The redhead nodded his thanks and wiped his red-rimmed eyes.

"How long have you been awake?" he asked, throwing the tissue into a nearby garbage bin.

"Since Murasakibara asked you about the other Akashi," he replied.

"Oh, I see..."

"Come, you must be hungry," the megane stated, helping Akashi and Murasakibara up (even though Oha-Asa _specifically_ said to stay away from Libras today for they would be the cause of bad luck) and guided them towards his kitchen.

"Tofu soup?" Midorima asked though he needn't really already knowing it was the redhead's favorite food. He earned a nod as Akashi sat down in Murasakibara's lap, something the two always did whenever they could since they were children.

"Ne, Boku-chin," Atsushi asked, using the nickname he had given the other Akashi even though said redhead had rejected the name, "How have you been?"

Blinking stupidly the other took a second to register what the purple-headed giant had said before answering, "Fine, I suppose..." he murmured.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm fine, Atsushi."

"Okay..." he decided to drop the topic for now and possibly bring it up later.

A comfortable silence enveloped them as Akashi leaned back into Atsushi, relishing his warmth as long limbs wrapped around him securely. He nearly dozed off had it not been for the bowl of tofu soup being placed in front of him. He was about to grab the spoon with a large hand took it instead, scooping up a small portion of the meal.

"Say 'aah' Boku-chin~" Atsushi drawled, bringing the food closer to the redhead's mouth.

Akashi would have rejected the offer any other day, but his stomach was desperately telling him to eat something so he complied. Carefully biting into the tofu, he chewed slowly and swallowed, feeling the warmth spread throughout his body and send delightful shivers down his spine. More was offered to him and he gratefully took it, until eventually the whole bowl was gone and left Akashi stuffed.

"Has your 'father' being depriving you of food?" Midorima asked, voice eerily calm as he pushed up his glasses whilst putting the bowl in the sink to be washed later.

Looking up he slowly nodded, feeling strong arms tighten around him and pull him closer towards a broad chest.

"I'm gonna crush him..."

"Don't, Murasakibara."

Akashi looked up with hazy eyes and leaned his head against Atsushi's shoulder, already feeling sleepy even though he just woke up. The other two seemed to notice this as well as Midorima brewed some tea.

"Murasakibara, why don't you give Akashi a bath?"

The giant nodded and carefully picked the redhead up, taking him down the hallway and into Midorima's bathroom. He had already memorized the way due to the number of times they had been here.

Setting Akashi down on the toilet, he turned on the water and let it fill up about halfway before turning the faucet off. Testing the water he deemed it the right temperature for Akashi and turned towards the small redhead.

"Alright, Boku-chin, the bath is ready."

He nodded and carefully took off his shirt, being helped by Atsushi as he worked on his lower half next. Being respectful the giant looked away, only turning back when the redhead had tapped him on the shoulder. Gently scooping the smaller up, he gently placed him in the lukewarm water while trying not to look at his many wounds littering his pale body. He cupped some water in his large hands and let it wash over Akashi's back. He gently scrubbed the small back, being careful to not reopen any wounds and taking note of every small hiss by the redhead, occasionally letting out small 'sorry Boku-chin's whenever he would scrub too hard over wounds and hear a loud hiss.

After a few minutes, Akashi relaxed, letting the soap suds wash off him and sinking into the water. Atsushi rinsed off his hands and picked up two bottles of shampoo and conditioner.

"Pomegranate or cherry blossom?"

"..cherry blossom, please." the redhead responded, eyes droopy as large hands massaged his scalp with the sweet-smelling shampoo before putting in the conditioner. Once that was rinsed out Atsushi grabbed some body wash, deciding it would help to keep Akashi's skin blemish and infected free before squirting the cherry blossom suds into his hands.

He started off by gently rubbing the small shoulders before moving down, being wary of his wounds. When he got closer to the lacerations on the other's back, he felt him tense immediately and mumbled a small sorry in reply. Akashi slowly relaxed in his hold, sinking a bit lower into the bubbly water. He let Atsushi work on his chest next, one hand scrubbing it while the other scratched behind his ear. Akashi leaned his head into the warm palm, sitting up straighter so Atsushi would have more room to work.

The purple-headed giant stopped just below his naval, letting Akashi work from there and rinsed his hands off. When Akashi lifted his leg Atsushi was thankful to see no scars or bruises there, just pale skin like what should have been the rest of Akashi's body.

After Akashi was sufficiently washed off Atsushi drained the tub, wrapping Akashi in a warm, fluffy towel and used a separate one to dry his hair. Wet red hair was ruffled as Atsushi thoroughly dried the damp hair, being gentle of the wound his father caused. Once the other was dry he took off his shirt and offered it to Akashi.

The other was taken aback, "Why are you giving me your shirt?"

"Ne, because Boku-chin didn't bring any spare clothes with him." the giant said simply.

"Oh..." maybe the brain damage was more severe than he thought.

"Here," Atsushi lowered the towel to the other's waist, tugging the shirt over his head, "I'll help you."

The black fabric was soft against Akashi's skin and he took a moment to marvel that. Granted it was too large for him – it reached just above his knees and the supposed-to-be short-sleeve shirt was now a long-sleeve shirt – but it was still nice and warm and cozy.

The towel fell from around his waist and Akashi suddenly felt cold, realizing most of the lower half of his body was bare, "A-Atsushi...is there anything I can use to cover my lower half?"

"No, I'm sorry Boku-chin. Mine and Mido-chin's pants are too big for you so they'd just fall off," Atsushi frowned, truly sorry since he knew how self-conscious Akashi was about his body.

Letting out a soft sigh Akashi nodded in consent, letting Atsushi pick him up since he felt he could barely sustain himself on his own. He rested his weary head on a broad chest, the slightly cool air of the living room causing goosebumps to form.

"Are you cold Boku-chin?"

"Mhm.." was the tired response, but after years of knowing the redhead Atsushi caught the message and set Akashi on the couch next to Midorima, who had turned on an NBA game.

"Feeling better?" Midorima asked, for once not acting like a tsundere, taking a sip of his tea.

A nod was his only response and he let the faintest of smiles form, brushing loose bangs out of Akashi's face as he was covered up with a warm blanket. Dichromatic eyes started to close as Atsushi sat in between Midorima and Akashi. Gently ruffling his hair, he leaned down and kissed the redhead's forehead.

"G'night, Aka-chin."


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It's better to feel pain than nothing at all."

Time seemed to tick by slowly as Atsushi and Midorima watched the NBA game. Akashi had long since fallen asleep and was now resting his head on Atsushi's lap. The purple giant himself was, too, nearing sleep as he zoned in and out of the game. Midorima sighed and turned down the volume a bit, watching the giant go into dreamland a few minutes afterward. He watched the two sleep peacefully, suddenly remembering the old times where they wouldn't have to worry about Akashi's father. It was never long but it still felt damn good to finally rest in peace knowing Akashi was safe from the deranged man.

Midorima sighed, knowing those days were long past them and got up to go get some more tea. However, his phone started ringing as he moved to pick up his tea, bringing out the device and flipping it open to see a rather peculiar caller ID on the screen.

_**'Incoming Call: Kise Ryota'** _

Raising a brow the megane contemplated on whether or not to actually answer the call. He knew from experience that the blonde called really only to chat their ears off and make them bleed, but Kise did have a mature side to him (contrary to what others might think).

After much hesitation, he answered the call.

"Hello?"

_"Midorimacchi!"_ Midorima had to pull the phone away from his ear or he was sure he would've gone deaf, _"How have you been?"_

The other grunted in reply, "Why did you call me Kise?"

The other fell silent and Midorima thought he had hung up had it not been for the slight shift of fabric and him saying, _"We uh...we wanted to check up on Akashicchi."_

Green eyebrows rose high in surprise and for once, Midorima was actually speechless. He shifted the phone onto his shoulder for better mobility while he picked up the now cold tea.

"..I'm surprised that you all actually cared enough to call," he finally said, taking a long sip of his tea and frowning when he tasted the bitterness in it, "After what transpired earlier."

_"Ahh...about that.."_ Kise sounded sheepish, _"Kagamicchi said he's really sorry for what he said about Akashicchi. He wasn't thinking what he said through. All of us are also sorry for not doing anything.."_

"I'll believe you when he tells me himself that he's sorry."

An exasperated moan was heard as Midorima heard the sound of air, possibly the phone being transferred to another person. He waited impatiently, foot tapping against the rug as he faintly registered Murasakibara shifting before getting comfortable once again.

_"Yo."_

Midorima frowned, "So you finally decided to answer."

_"Uh..."_

Midorima waited as he heard the other sputter, faint background noise with what he could only assume was shouting encouragement.

_"Listen, I'm..."_ Kagami took a long breath, _"I'm really sorry, okay? I-I wasn't thinking straight about what I said about Akashi and...I'm sorry."_

The silence seemed to last forever as Midorima heard quiet mumbling on the other line.

_"Midorimacchi?"_

"I'm not the one you should be apologizing to, " he said at last, "You should be apologizing to Akashi."

And promptly hung up.

* * *

Midorima sighed as he gazed out the window, dawn breaking through as birds chirped outside. He felt tired but didn't want to sleep. Maybe he was paranoid about Masaomi coming and taking Akashi away from them. He didn't know.

The sun landed on Murasakibara's face as he groaned, eyes scrunched together and mumbling something along the lines of "Five more minutes..." before rolling over.

The megane sighed and shook the giant's shoulder, "Murasakibara, wake up. You're going to crush Akashi."

Another moan as amethyst eyes opened and glared at the perpetrator, "Mido-chin~" he whined, "I was having a good dream~"

"Too bad," he grunted, "You're crushing Akashi."

"Eh?" the giant looked down in his arms to see a small tuft of red being squished between his large body and the couch; he gasped, "Aka-chin!" and quickly let the small figure go.

A small, muffled groan was heard as the redhead shivered at his loss of warmth. He curled into a ball as a blanket was wrapped around him.

"'M sorry Aka-chin," the giant mumbled, delicately picking him up as if he were a fragile piece of glass. He laid the captain down in a more comfortable position, afraid to touch him any more.

"Atsushi..." the redhead murmured, eyes hazy, "C'mere." he made a grabbing motion with his hands, like a child seeking attention.

"But I almost crushed Aka-chin aga-"

"I don't care," the other mumbled, still making a grabbing motion, "I need a body pillow..."

Frowning, Atsushi moved a bit closer to Akashi but still not close enough for the redhead. Akashi frowned sleepily as his arms got tired, lowering them back onto the couch.

"Murasakibara..." Akashi whined, closing his eyes before opening them again so ruby eyes were present, "Please?"

Shuffling closer Atsushi hesitantly got back on the couch, however, this time he picked the redhead up and laid him on his chest to make sure he wouldn't crush him. Akashi didn't seem to mind and just mumbled something incoherent before falling back into slumber. Midorima sighed as Atsushi shifted before settling back down. His large hand stroked Akashi's hair, holding the redhead in his arms securely.

For a while the only sound heard was Akashi's soft breathing and the sound of the kettle boiling in the kitchen. Midorima got up and came back with three cups of green tea, placing them down on the table.

"Mido-chin?"

"What?"

"I'm hungry."

Midorima sighed at the childlike behavior, watching amethyst eyes look up at him pleadingly, "Alright. How about we go out for lunch? That way we can give Akashi some time to rest."

Atsushi nodded happily and went back to petting Akashi's head. Deciding to get some rest too Midorima quickly finished off his tea ( he was drinking a lot of it today) and sat down in a love seat, closing his eyes as sleep took over him.

When Midorima came to, the room felt noticeably colder. He groaned and shifted, glancing at the clock; 11:45. He sighed and figured he'd get Atsushi and Akashi up off the couch; however, when he looked their way all he saw was the purple giant fast asleep, yet there was one thing missing.

Akashi.

Midorima sat up with a start which – surprisingly – awoke Atsushi as well, mumbling a sleepy, "Mido-chin...?" and sitting up groggily.

"Where's Akashi?" Midorima tried not to let any of the hysteria he was feeling into his voice, looking around frantically to try to find the small redhead.

"Wah.." Atsushi glanced around, "But he was sleeping on me when I fell asleep..."

Midorima cursed under his breath and began to search the house, knowing Akashi couldn't have gone too far from the living area. Hearing something in the kitchen he dashed towards it, slowly followed by Atsushi.

"Mido-chin you're overreacting. I'm sure Aka-chin's fi-"

The two had stopped dead in their tracks when they first got into the kitchen. Atsushi was the first to react by screaming, "AKA-CHIN" and running towards the redhead's side. Midorima was slower to react as he just gazed upon the scene, nearing the point of passing out.

There Akashi lay, in the middle of the kitchen, with a butcher knife in his back.

**Author's Note:**

> You can thank this little plot bunny to Joy Goldenpine (on here she's Joyous_Golden_Flower) with her story 'Secrets Unheard' on FanFiction.net. And sorry if this seems really crappy; I wrote this and the next chapter at school so it's sufficiently toned down (I don't wanna get kicked out anytime soon :P)
> 
> Don't forget to check out Joy's stories!
> 
> R&R


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